I don’t quite know what to say about this lust stuff (females who don’t quite want to hear please know what is coming!).
Men are way easily tempted. I can only speak for that. And I know that when I make myself vulnerable, I am most accessible to the desires that are within me. I mean, when I am tired and exhausted, the desires within me that want to hurt someone by telling them how terrible they are at something, or the desire to become so self centered (and isolated) and drive everyone away from me- these desires are easily brought to the surface. As is lust and sexual desires (for all guys, single and married).
Day in and day out, I as a Christian practice purity, and by golly, it is a practice because it doesn’t come easily and must always be given great amounts of efforts and focus. But when I am tired, when my mind is mush from long days, or when I get really stressed, these are the times when lust finds the cracks in the practice because I am too tired/lazy/weak/stupid (whatever term that reflects exhaustion but also some complicitness) to keep practicing those days. And this is not about to become some version of Luther’s “sin boldly.”
All I mean to say today is that I need to find rest. I need it because right now I feel so drained, especially after day 4 of crazy at the hospital. And I feel so wide open to temptation. Sometimes the solution is being around people and gaining strength that way. But that can’t always happen. Yes, I have read books about every young man’s battle and the like, but there is more to it (please don’t ever tell me to read a book about anything as a help to my problems!). it takes self control. Self control requires a lot of other things, like boundaries and cautiousness. Control over eyes, control over actions, control over my schedule, control over many things.
Anyway, I am so sorry that any of you must read this stuff. But I am a very imperfect guy, as many people know all too well. It is interesting to me that I cycle so much. I will go months or weeks in really good shape, but then have a week or two of difficulty and then work it out again for a while. But right now, I don’t like where I am with the lust stuff. And it doesn’t mean I don’t like my job or that my job is out of control as much as when lots of events and emotional catalysts happen at the same time. In this week, a couple deaths at the hospital, very emotional parents, Gramma Janet (don’t ask), preaching, church concerns, getting a dog- it’s all kind of adding up I’d say. As it were, pray for me to find my balance again from the difficult week. Pray for me to find some control. Pray for me to find some pleasure in the right places- and let’s not pretend I am not talking about lust (and all the many things that can come from that, like the words…cna he possibly say them…no…surely not…masturbation, pornography…aaaaaahhhhh, he said them…yes I did). And do more than pray- share some empathy sometime too, so that this little rut just stays that way!
Ordinary Treasures 